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Entrapment

How Does The Abuser Trap the Victim?

It is often difficult for people to understand why it is that women stay in situations of domestic violence. Understanding their experiences will mean you will be better equipped to assist. The question "Why does she stay?" is in itself a form of victim-blaming, as though there is something wrong with the woman. Instead, we should be asking "How does the abuser entrap his victim?" or "How does he make it difficult for her to leave?", which puts the focus on the abuser, where it belongs. He uses violence of course, but he also depends on social factors that contribute to the vulnerability of women

Some of the ways in which assaulted women are entrapped on a personal level of analysis include:

  1. Threats of violence. If she has already experienced violence, even the threat of further violence may entrap her out of fear; threatening to harm her parents or children if she leaves
  2. Manipulation. By showing kindness and affection when he is ready
  3. Immigration. If she is an illegal immigrant, he may threaten to have her deported or he may threaten to write to Immigration that he is no longer responsible for her. In small island states, where it is hard for the woman to hide for very long, by hiding her passport so that she cannot go to friends or relatives in another territory
  4. Dependency. Making her feel dependent upon him, making her believe that she couldn't cope without him
  5. Guilt. Making her feel guilty, convincing her that if she were a better wife he wouldn't have to 'discipline' her
  6. Emotional Abuse. Breaking down her confidence and self-esteem; promoting a sense of helplessness and shame in her; if he is a member of the police service, by persuading her that where ever she goes someone in the police force will find her and tell him.
  7. Isolation. Keeping her isolated from her family and friends, and anyone who might help her

In addition, there are certain factors on a cultural and social level of analysis which contribute to the entrapment, such as:

  • Social or family beliefs that women must be submissive to their husbands;
  • Lack of shelters or safe places to go to;
  • Lack of employment opportunities;
  • No day care facilities, so that she can work and support herself and her children;
  • No government provisions for welfare payments;
  • No help from the police on earlier attempts;
  • The abuser is a member of the police service;
  • Religious or cultural beliefs;
  • Living in a rural area where it is hard to get transport;
  • Physical, emotional or mental disability ;
  • Old age.

It can be very frustrating when a woman you have helped to escape from an abusive situation returns to that situation. It is easy to be judgmental at these times, perhaps because you are so certain that, in her position, you would never return. If the woman asks for help a second, or third time, front-line workers have been known to treat the situation with a lack of seriousness that they would not ever bring to another case of multiple repeat assault in a business place, for example.

What is often not appreciated is that previous efforts to help have not been wasted, or gone unappreciated. The forces that kept the woman from leaving in the first place are very strong and very far-reaching. Some of the same reasons that made her put up with the violence with the violence for as long she did, may be the same forces that compel her to return. Remember, the whole issue of domestic abuse is so tied up with emotional, cultural, moral, family and survival issues that very often the women can't see clearly what is happening to her.

She is not going to have your objectivity of view, even though she may appear to have it outwardly. She may return and leave several times before making the final break. Whether she stays or leaves though, she must be allowed to make her own decisions and be treated with support and respect.

The reasons why women return are numerous and are a result of various levels of personal, cultural and social reasons. They may stay in or return to the relationship because:

  • He has promised her that he is sorry, he will never do it again, or he has learned his lesson.
  • She feels that she caused the problems in the relationship or made it fail.
  • He may find her and physically force her to return.
  • He may threaten to commit suicide if she does not come back, and may actually attempt it at least seriously enough to convince her that he really might do it.
  • He may threaten to harm her, the children or other family members/loved ones if she does not return.
  • Family, friends, or members of the clergy may convince her to return.
  • She can't find shelter for herself and/or her children.
  • She can't support herself and/or her children.
  • She grew up watching her mother being abuse or was abused herself as a child.
  • She still loves him and wants to believe that he will change.
  • She feels guilty about breaking up the family and the children want to go back.
  • She just has no confidence that she can make it on her own, and she has been so isolated from family and friends that she has no one to help her.

Remember: It takes a lot of support from different sources before a woman feels ready to leave.

Last Updated: 2005-02-25